Fusions - Systemhood

Have any parts fused; and what was that like?

We Asked Systems (Both DID And OSDD) About Their Experience Through A Self-Report Survey Of 174 Participants To Date. Here Are The Results.

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No x 51
Unsure/unknown x 17
Many, but we weren’t aware of us being a system, so I don’t have much information. My two headmates fused for some months but ended up splitting and going back to how they used to be. They were basically a mix of these two alters: personality, physical features and all that. They don’t remember too much about it.
I, the host, probably fused shortly before our diagnosis. It was a three-day-long process where I went through laughing, crying, catatonia and extreme fatigue. I felt my “access to parts of the brain” and memories expanding, and many of my fundamental ways of thinking changed. It was very distressing but extremely healing. I came out of it as someone much more balanced and kind to myself, with less dissociation and anxiety, much more compassion and less denial about our trauma.
Yes, I fused with the child trauma-holder part last year. I think it happened over time, progressively, and it’s afterwards, a few months after, that I realised what happened. For 1-2 months, I had a huge identity crisis. I didn’t recognise myself in the mirror. I didn’t know who I was anymore or what I liked. I also had lots of flashbacks during that time. I had a flashback that lasted for 48 hours straight. And then it’s like I was changed. Like I gained memories I didn’t have before, struggles, fears. I’m more withdrawn now, more distrustful. I’m now triggered by what this alter used to be triggered by.
Yes, I used to be A***, the body. We had a protector called M***, and in a very bad moment of our lives, A*** and M*** fused and became Ak***. Then, after a while, they split, and it became M**o again and me, A***. I’d say it’s like a Play-Doh. You mix it and try to split it again, and it still has both colours a little mixed around, if that makes sense.
Probably not fully fused, as in 2 became 1. But we have had shifts and refragmentations. Like the Pixie girl who shifted to a young teen: She took some of the parts of one of our teen alters and fully split off her trauma memories into our youngest child alter, who now is fully mute and very suicidal.
This Pixie alter was one of our first alters. We used to think we were supposed to be twins and that she was always going to be there. After the re-traumatisation of the trauma treatment, we weren’t able to contact her for over a year. This was extremely distressing. And even now, knowing that she, the one I knew, doesn’t exist anymore is difficult to deal with.
But not all those changes are always difficult. We often get new hosts. Our hosts are often fragments and masks in the autistic sense, who will slowly become saturated with real life, get overwhelmed, and go dormant, only to then re-emerge as new, full alters. During that whole process, things will always shift in the system. But those things are slow.
Integrations described above in terms of what they look like.
For a long time, one of our parts was front stuck, and when the other two finally fronted who are integrating to them, they said it felt like when people describe waking up from a coma, and they have been able to hear everything, but they can’t say anything back. They have full memory of what’s gone on when that part was out or around, but they couldn’t communicate back.
When one of the parts is out, we see a lot of the mannerisms of the parts that they’ve been fusing or integrating with.
We’ve described it like this – when you experience amnesia, it’s like being in a hotel room alone. Then, when you are co-con, it’s like communicating with the front staff. You can get something, but they do everything for you. Then integration is when you walk out of your room and start to see other guests, and say hi, and get to know them and how long they are there for, what travel they’ve been doing, etc. See what the hotel staff is doing for them and what they generally need throughout their day, too. Integration is when the double rooms start to open up, and some parts start to live together, and fusion is when all the rooms open up, and the hotel becomes a home. Maybe some parts still share rooms and always hang out – those are the fusions. Everyone else has their own rooms, but the house becomes communal, and the managers take a room too and start living there like everyone else – and everyone pitches in and does the work.
Yes, there’s an alter whose role is to absorb any fragments – unformed alters – once trauma has been processed. She often changes over time. It used to feel dramatic, like a death of some kind and very difficult to handle. Now, it feels like a puzzle piece sliding into place, and clarity arrives. It doesn’t happen often anymore. It’s been a long time since anyone integrated. We’re stable with our current number of alters and have been for years. It’s unlikely to change as whoever is left – they want to stay and live life collectively.
Yes, we had a fusion of three alters not too long ago.
It’s a bit weird – I (the result of the fusion) am all of them, and yet I’m someone completely different. I have their memories, but not all of them. I inherited their roles and abilities to some degree, but I don’t really act like any of them in particular. My appearance is partially made up of how they used to look, but some of it is just completely different. I’m a fusion of three fictive, so maybe it’s different if brain-made alters fuse; I’m not sure. We’ve also had some splits and fusions, but unfortunately, we don’t remember those too well.
We have recently had a few fusions, and they have both involved more than two alters; the first one we experienced took about a week, and we were super physically drained the whole time and felt frontstuck a lot, and we were having a hard time with our normal levels of communication until it settled a bit, at which point we knew two of us had fused but we weren’t sure if there were others involved, later that week it settled fully and E*** was able to remember being 13, and EV***, and M***, but didn’t feel like any of them. Our second one is longer, and even more of us are involved. We are still going through it, but it feels the same, with our communication all out of whack and some of us feeling soft around the edges or in different locations than before.
When fusing, the two people begin to act more and more like each other. It’s a slow process that turns from acting like each other to mimicking to matching, and slowly, you recognise you share the same thoughts, feelings, experiences, and memories blend, and soon, you two become closer together until you become one new person.
This one is hard cause we have only been aware for a few months now. But we know it’s happened; we just don’t know when or what it felt like at the time. At present, we are aware it used to be a much more crowded headspace, but it’s “boiled down” a bit. Where and when, we don’t know, though.
Yes, the best way I can describe it is feeling light-headed and feeling like a part of me is missing for a few weeks while we readjust. It’s hard to deal with even months after the fact. The headmate that forms from being fused is often a little delirious and goes quiet for a bit while adjusting.
We have had a few fusions. They’re always very bittersweet; we’re happy we have healed from a few things, and we know they’re always a part of us, but we miss them. It’s a very strange feeling, as we know that even though we are individuals, we are also technically parts of a whole, so it’s like missing part of yourself.
We have had parts forcibly fused by others, but I don’t remember what happened. Fairly recently had two parts fuse(one was a split of another, and they were “brothers”(not really, but a lot of parts follow a kind of familiar structure that seems to depend on the groupings). It caused a fair amount of upset. One of the parts basically enveloped the other and inherited the memories and some. of the mannerisms of the other.
We have two types of fusion: fusion into the whole and fusion into another. Fusion into the whole is just an alter merging with the whole of the system. They’re a little more gone or hard to place than fusion into another, where two or more alters fuse into one alter, carrying all aspects of the individual alters into one more cohesive identity state.
We’ve experienced a lot of fusions, especially between fragments or shards (fragments of fragments). Many of the alters are a part within a part, so when fusions occur, it’s relatively inconsequential.
One recent fusion was between two sexual protectors with what seemed to be very different outlooks and behaviours. But both were parts within another part. In the end, one of them ended up being absorbed by the other, gaining his pain and memories, but the absorber’s personality is only mildly different.
Yes – the first was traumatic because we didn’t realise what was happening, and trauma memories fused to alters who weren’t prepared, but since then, it’s been smooth going, though sometimes we miss those who have fused.
It happens constantly, and it depends on if it was more natural or forced; natural is weird because you don’t realise it’s happening until you can’t find the other person and realise you’ve changed to be more like them, and then forced is like you know, it happened as soon as it happened.
Yes, we’ve had multiple fusions, which were different every time. Some were very quick, and some took much longer. At least one of the alters involved in one of our fusions was very against the idea he was fusing, then processed it and became at peace with it. Overall, there are a lot of conflicting emotions involved in the entire process, and for our host, there’s some grieving as well.
Yes, several alters have fused into one single alter, and it wasn’t a really big thing for us. It was just kind of the brain spring cleaning and seeing that certain alters could become more useful as one part.
Yes! Our system experiences fusion relatively often. For us, this comes from parts that share the same trauma/traumatic event integrating (meaning for us, gaining communication, fronting together, sharing memories, sharing inner-world space) and then eventually fusing.
For us, it is what feels right. We don’t aim for final fusion; however, we want to have a smaller headcount one day.
Fusion tends to lead to more fully rounded parts, too.
I believe I am the result of a fusion between our previous host and physical protector. I do not remember it, only the general time. I do experience memories from each of them differently, though, almost as if they are from a different perspective. I also remember their switches from both sides, so in retrospect, it feels like I was changing into a different person.
Yes, it’s normally very bittersweet, mostly sad in the beginning because it often feels like the loss of a friend or loved one, but we often know it is to better the system in some way or another. For instance, one of our now caretakers used to be a violent persecutor, and he fused with a very mild-tempered caretaker, and now he’s much more calm and overall pleasant
Yes- the Host E*** recently integrated with the co-host M***. It was hard to accept and realise at first, and it took some time to come to terms with it. Things like integration happen for the sake of the system and our survival.
We have had two fusions, and it’s hard to describe what it was like. It’s almost like grief, losing someone you care about, but watching them also turn into something unrecognisable.
Yes, many have fused over time. It’s really hard for us because we already have a hard time with the concept of identity. So when alters fuse, they have to relearn who they are, and it can take a while, sometimes even years.
Keeping up with fusing parts is close to impossible, considering the high number of parts. When we had the main parts fusing, it was disturbing and sent us spiralling into impostor syndrome. Sometimes, it felt like losing a family member; other times, we understood it was for the best and the way our brain had to keep up with what was happening around us.
We have had parts fuse before. I haven’t experienced it myself, but from what some of our fused parts have described, it was incredibly confusing and disorienting. It took a long time for them to 1) figure out what was going on and 2) figure out who they were after the fusion.
We have complex multistep fusions that are often ‘permanent’. Even if they split again, they likely will not split back into who they were prior to the fusion. We also have simpler temporary fusions that often resplit into similar or the same parts.
Yes, we fuse often and split often. We almost always have at least a mild headache, and sometimes it’s a bit upsetting if an alter who has been here for a while fuses with someone else.
A few have, and it was disorienting but ultimately made our communication better.
A few fragments have fused with more distinct parts through therapy, but most of them haven’t lasted.
Yes, for us, parts only have fused due to stress and/or trauma, so they’re very hard on all of us, including the alter, who is the result of the fuse.
We have had many fusions, and for us, it feels like both of their personalities mix, and certain characteristics from each alter stay dominant while the others disappear; their appearance usually looks completely different.
Yes. Hard work, but it restored a lot of memory and skill access.
Yes, sort of, absorbed bits of more so than full-on fusion.
No, but I think two are in process. It’s scary and uncomfortable, although we love each other and are siblings. We want to remain separate.
We have had quite a bit of fusion (because that is our treatment goal). I specifically have not fused with anyone, but from what I have gathered, it is a slow process that usually starts with integration.
Yes, we have had a few parts fuse, and it was a bittersweet experience. We missed them dearly (they had done a lot for us all), but we also knew that this was a step toward our final goal.
Yes, and it was stressful because we didn’t understand what was going on at first, but then healing as we realised, that meant we had processed something enough and that some of us were better off being one 🙂
A few have! And it’s generally just sort of… two(or more) are now one
Sometimes, it seems more like one alter absorbed the other and kept the dominant identity
But yeah
Yes. Fusing is difficult and scary, but in the long run, it has been the best for us. I, as the host, fused, and it greatly increased my capacity for stress and ability to cope.
Yes, many, many have. We have healed from having 12 planets, and we are down to having only three planets. It’s been painful, emotionally draining, and, in some cases, re-traumatising as we were learning on the go and made some mistakes.
Yes. N** is a fusion of several fragmented alters from our early teens to our very early 20s. Also, one of the Demigods was once both our human occultist and human Sorceror. They fused into him seamlessly, but we mourned the loss of 2 of our human alters.
Yes. It’s like losing a piece of you even though it isn’t gone.
A trauma holder fused with the host. That was really hard for the host. We had to have a backup host take over temporarily. Honestly, it felt really natural, but it was a lot for her to take in.
yes, our former host and primary protector fused, caused a massive upheaval in the system and caused a split to create two more primary protectors
Having parts fused feels strange to us. It feels like we are familiar as a person, however different, as well.
Some parts have fused in the past and were very distinctive, and it felt like we were losing a best friend.
Yes, one of our old hosts did. It was extremely sad because of the circumstances, but also we collectively felt a wave of relief knowing that they were no longer being weighed down by their trauma.
Cocktail of emotions and grief.
We’ve had a few parts fuse before. I haven’t experienced this myself, so admittedly, I can’t speak much about what it feels like.
Very disorienting.
Not that we are currently aware of, but there has been integration over the years, and that felt like walls in our brain were breaking.
We haven’t fused. There are some who can be co-conscious together or fuse temporarily (for whatever task is needed) and then become distinct selves again.
Yes, I have had it happen twice that I know of, and both experiences were good in that they felt stronger merged than apart.
Yes, it is a stressful thing, but sometimes helpful; it sort of just feels like you’re both people.
Yes, generally, they pick up traits of all of the alters they fused from, so S** was a fusion of N*** (pain holder), J**(persecutor), and a third alter whose name we don’t know, who was a protector. It resulted in an alter who was both a protector and persecutor and an entirely different appearance from either of them.
Two parts fused and formed an alter named K***. It was confusing, and some were scared, but it’s all normal now.
It made it difficult for a while, and time seemed to go by extremely fast. I honestly don’t remember a lot about that time.
Yes, it was freeing for them as they were able to do more as a singular part.
Yes, once, and it felt like I was missing a part of myself.
Yes, we either didn’t notice it, or it was a huge issue.
Yes, our gatekeeper is a fusion, and they don’t like to talk about it much because they say it’s hard processing not being a “whole person”.
Very slow and odd
T** and T** fused—it happened relatively naturally & as part of it, she uses T** name now. F** and D*** almost fused, but it was genuinely too upsetting for D*** to lose his friend.
Yes! This has been so so amazing for us. Fusion isn’t death; it’s really nice, and it gives me my memory back.
Yes, we’ve had two major fusions. They were both very disorienting and took some adjusting for all of us.
Yes, helpful.
Yes, we had a huge fusion lately, which caused a great source fusion; we had a lot of introjects of the same person, just slightly different, and most either fused or went dormant.
Yes. It was incredibly hard.
We know some have fused, but it’s not documented, and I don’t know much about it.
We have fusions pretty commonly. It depends on how developed the part was, but most of the time, it’s not a very big deal for us.
Yes, it was very confusing because memories were gained that we weren’t ready for.
Yes, fairly similar to Steven Universe, the two alters suddenly show up close to the front and spin in circles, holding hands till they fuse.
Yes, they have. I’m personally not sure what it’s like
Yes, but I can’t really explain.
I’m a fusion with the ex-host. It was very hard for me to explain the full situation, but it was confusing to me, if that helps.
Yeah… and due to those fusions, we’ve become afraid of fusions cause none of them work out.
We have a few fused parts. Considering the majority of these fusions happened before we knew about the system, it didn’t change much.
No permanent fusion. Some minor blending/temporary fusion, which felt electric and intimate between those alters.
Yes, it was very painful. We are all fine now, though.
Our primary protector fused, which was a big adjustment for everyone.
That we were aware of, I once fused with another alter. It was strange and lasted for a few days only.
Yes, but it’s difficult to explain.
Yes. We don’t really talk much about fusion.
Yes
We’ve had a lot of fusions; it’s a haze for the days it’s happening and a very long headache.
Yes, but I wouldn’t remember.
We have no fused parts, but we have come close to merging out of stress but have never gone to doing so.
Yes. Most fused. It felt like nothing. They were there, then they’re gone.
I’m not sure. I’ve been told that there were other parts at different times. I’m not sure why, who or where they went.
Yes. It was a coming together.
Two alters fused to create me, the person answering these questions.
I know two did, but I’m not sure who.
Yes! A protector and trauma holder fused; I just remember being very dissociated that week. Otherwise, I don’t really remember much.