Romantic relationships

Are you or have you been in a relationship, and if so, how have you navigated that as a system?

We Asked Systems (Both DID And OSDD) About Their Experience Through A Self-Report Survey Of 174 Participants To Date. Here Are The Results.

Please Note That Although We Have Done Our Best To Ensure The Results Are As Accurate As Possible, We Cannot Verify Or Guarantee The Accuracy Of Every Individual Response.

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Trigger warning – please note that some answers may be triggering for some viewers – Brief mention of domestic violence and rape. Viewer discretion is advised – please look after yourself.

YES – WITH SPECIFICS ON NAVIGATING RELATIONSHIPS

In our first serious relationship only I dated the person but in our current one, since we are with a system, alters tend to date different alters from our partner system. Most of us have good friends from their side so if the “couples” aren’t out, it’s very friendly hangouts. When it comes to people contacting their s/os when they aren’t at the front, we use apps (for example, discord with seperate channels) to text them things we want to say. We try our best to be direct and communicate well
I’m in a relationship. My alters are also aware of my relationship and my partner is aware of all of my alters. As long as my alters trust my partner to keep me safe they stay out of my relationship.
We have been in 5 serious relationships 2 of them were abusive in many ways. The host is currently dating another system’s host in a healthy relationship for the past 2 years. The hosts are the only ones in a relationship the other alters are either friends or unfamiliar with each other.
The host is currently in a relationship and we live with her partner. He has a romantic connection with others in the system too, and also acts as a caretaker to the littles and a good friend to those not interested in a relationship. There can be some jealously involved and we often fight over who gets to spend time with him considering he works a lot lol but all in all he has been wonderfully understanding and a great support.
yes, our partner is aware of our situation and we have boundaries in place both as a whole and as individual parts concerning consent, mental and physical comfort levels, etc. he is only romantic with one part, and friendly/civil with the others, should they be fronting at the time.
My partner knows about it and we work it out the best we can since he fully supports us and goes well with most of the alters in the system. We don’t have a romantic relationship since he is aroace and I’m (Ake) Aro, and since we as a system decided to just go with the flow and be communicative to each other about what we think of our relationships, I believe it’s going really well.
I’ve been in one stable relationship since being diagnosed. It has added an extra dimension to our relationship that can sometimes be challenging but mostly has been smooth sailing. My partner is very supportive and has been through all the stages of being diagnosed to understanding my condition to now acceptance and learning to cope with day to day things.
My current partner actually helped in our discovery. A week full of triggers and disorientation led into us eventually going to them and saying something along the lines of “We know of *my name* (host/me), we know her hobbies and relationships, but we are not her.” Both of us were diagnosed with ptsd, they were suspicious of us being a system due to our memory gaps and other factors, and they was familiar with DID through another close system, so they brought up the possibility to us and went from there. I am beyond glad they’ve been so understanding and patient. The other alters, for the most part, like or tolerate them. One, who is a co-host and dating an alter in another system, has some conflict with my partner, and another alter absolutely loathes my partner. That is straining, and that is difficult. But overall, without getting into some other difficulties and struggles of navigating everything, being in a good, healthy relationship and healing is possible.
Yes met husband but that was pre-diagnosis. We are currently dealing with the challenge of additional parts. Couples therapy.
Yes. We have allowed each of the parts form their own opinion of our partner. So far it has only positive opinions.
Yes; we’re still figuring that out as most parts aren’t comfortable introducing themselves to our partner. Our partner knows we have DID and is very helpful and understanding as much as he can be while we still find it hard to share things with him.
our bf is also a system and we went thru discovery together. We just have lots of patients for each other and talk about things when nessiasry. Also use plural kit because it helps know who is fronting.
We all have different kind of relationships to the headmates of our partner system. Some are in romantic relationships, some of us (for example the littles) see our partner system as parent or big sibling. In the relationships before that we didn’t knew we are a system.
Yes, we’ve been in relationships with singlets and other systems and we navigated that as certain alters dated the person and the others were friends
we’re currently happily in a relationship with our partner system! it’s the first relationship we’ve been in since we discovered being a system ourselves so there’s a lot to navigate and we’re both slowly figuring everything out, but they’ve been wonderful <3
we consider eachother partners collectively but individual alters do have different relationships with eachother, and some- i.e. the littles, or alters who are aro/ace or otherwise not interested in dating- obviously don’t participate. in a way we’re almost like one big family.
there are a few “primary” relationships- i was the first alter to start dating someone from their system and the two of us are kind of the primary partners, but other members of our two systems gradually fell in love too and we went from just having one couple to ending up partner systems. (i hope that makes sense, sorry if i’m a little disjointed!)
Yes we are married. Most adults parts are in a relationship with our husband, those who aren’t and those who are children are just friends and really love him too. He’s really good at knowing what his around and picking up on very subtle changes
The host is married and has a platonic life partner. We navigate the relationships through polyamory, though most of us have an internal relationship or two.
Not a romantic relationship, but I think the closest to this would be our relationship with our best friend (who is (ironically) another questioning system). Since we’re both fairly new to this (despite having a lot of prior knowledge due to having friends who are diagnosed systems), we’re both just sharing experiences and getting to know the others within the system.
Currently married. We tend to have time separately with our spouse. Our relationships are parallels but are not mirrored. Our partner got to know each one of us individually as possible and we have vastly different courtships.
Yes, married, it was easier once my partner found out and it made a lot more sense to him. Why sometimes they seem to act more childish and other times more adult, but he assumed as I used to that it was just some weird ADHD thing. After I was diagnosed, I moved and where I moved, my clinicians would not except that diagnosis because they said it wasn’t a thing. Being with him has allowed me to get to know my other parts better because he can tell me what they’re like and what’s going on Which is really helpful
Yes, currently in a relationship of 2,5 months so far. He knows of the Diagnosis.
Dating him is the host (who is filling this out), and another part that doesnt seem to be aware they’re in a system and who masks as the host (so our partner can’t always tell when it’s them and not the host, but as the host I can tell it was not me out after those moments). We refer to that alter as the Co-Host.
In general our partner and me the host are open to him dating multiple system members as long as they’re adult alters, but it hasen’t come up yet except the Co-Host
Platonically he’s friends with a trauma holding child alter (~7yo) and a non-trauma holding child alter (~12yo), and has had friendly conversations with our trauma holding teenage alters.
He’s doing a lot of research on DID and is able to support us when we struggle with dissociation, switching, flashbacks etc. He knows general facts about the “main” trauma that contributed to developing DID without much details.
Although we talk about how to navigate this relationship with DID we are figuring a lot of things out as we go, since we havent been diagnosed for long and have only been dating him for a short-ish while.
Yes a 5-year and a 7-year, I don’t think being a system had any effect one way or another, we had the normal on the surface domestic situations. However I think people with trauma tend to gravitate towards one another. It’s all we know, so we’re bound to recreate toxic patterns and dysfunction from childhood.
End up bonded over trauma and not actually as people, so it has an expiry date no matter how you cut it. Through better learning and understanding it seems I was trying to rescue my mother in relationships, and/or was operating in my caregiver programming by default.
I have sworn off relationships at this point, for now, have been celibate for nearly a year. Do not consume explicit material and rarely self satisfy. I wasted a lot of time and energy giving myself away, and/or rescuing others, not just in relationships, so I’m focusing 100% on the journey I’m on now.
We are married! It’s been an interesting journey so far, I am not the first system my husband has met and honestly… It just answered a lot of questions we had. Sometimes being fine with certain things and being really put off by them other times. My husband is – amazing, he started talking notes of who liked what and takes time to remind us we are all loved, and all very different when the doubt starts to hit us. He – also can tell who is front usually a good 10minutes to an hour before we really understand who we are. (Learning to unmask and all that)
Communication and clear boundaries. Explaining child alters first and foremost, and how we are all separate identities. They explained their comfort level and we explained ours. Generally we don’t speak of us being a system with singlets, obviously we are more transparent with our partner. We explain that certain alters aren’t comfortable with certain things. And from there we don’t tend to speak about it, and generally our partner is a front trigger for the alter they are dating, but sometimes we’ll have to tell them we switched.
I’m divorced. It was sort of easy and difficult at the same time. My ex husband was often out of town for work so we didn’t see much of each other. He unknowingly would trigger parts by some behaviors etc to get what he wanted. Once we went to therapy and learned that was what was happening it ruined our relationship and eventually the lack of emotional support by him ended our marriage.
Yes, I have a partner of four years. A lot of issues I’ve had in my past relationships made sense upon system discovery. Miscommunications, misunderstandings, amnesia, and frequent changes in opinion and desires have all contributed to a lot of relationship difficulties. And in some cases, led to the breakups. My current relationship is very healthy, though not without it’s challenges.
Discovering my system has made such a huge positive change for our relationship. The self healing that came from having a supportive partner is actually when my system felt safe enough to start revealing itself.
It has also been helpful in self reflection. I didn’t know I had amnesia to such a large extent until my partner brought it to my attention. I didn’t realize how my voice changes, or how I would argue out loud between parts that were co-fronting together. Being with the right person has made a hugely positive impact for me.
we have had three past relationships, and are currently in a fourth. two individuals were singlets, and the other two counting our current partner are fellow systems
we have found that we greatly prefer dating other systems to singlets, because while even though a singlet could be incredibly supportive and understanding of what’s going on, the inherent relatability of our situation is lost, along with the potential of only one person in the system being considered the one in the relationship
They dated the whole system (that were old enough and wanted to) and we did the same.
Individual alters in our system have their own relationships, both in-system and outside of the system.
Yes, currently in a 3 year long relationship. Advised partner of having D.I.D on the first date. Currently attending therapy.
He is in a romantic relationship with several Alters, and friends/a support to others.
There’s definitely a lot of triggers to navigate surrounding intimacy, and juggling several of us wanting to have our own date nights has sometimes caused a bit of chaos, but we’re doing well. Partner does not purposely call out or ask for certain Alters, it’s entirely within our control who he gets to spend time with.
Our specialist therapist is working with us to encourage healthy co-consciousness while engaging in intimate activities and dates, so multiple alters can experience safe love and affection at the same time and access those positive experiences – rather than having a full switch and amnesia barriers blocking others from experiencing it. Full switches still happen however.
Yes. We were in an abusive marriage. Currently in a long term relationship 8+years. Working together to unmask. Communication has been the most important thing both before and after diagnosis. It’s been challenging. My boyfriend was shocked by the diagnosis (we were too) and it took a long time for him to accept and be comfortable with us unmasking with him. We don’t disclose trauma details with him, just a general trauma umbrella term so he knows to be wary of negative triggers for particular alters. Happy to answer specific relationship questions if you have any as I know many systems are curious about how it works (or doesn’t in some cases)
We often warn them we’re a system, and if they still love us then we try to let certain headmates talk to our partner at certain times. If there’s something serious, we let a serious talk to them. ( i hope it makes sense )
The Host is currently in a relationship. We navigate that by letting them know who else is fronting, and such. It does help that the hosts boyfriend is a system as well.
We have a consent limit for the system members, and after that who ever wants to be apart of the relationship is free to be upfront during intimate times.
im currently in a relationship with another system. we support each other with managing our amnesia, helping keep track of dates, and calming and supporting each others alters when dissociating
We are in a relationship. Only the host is dating said partner, the rest of the alters see him more as a friend, the littles as a parental figure. Some alters are still learning to trust him, but he is very understanding and kind, so we have little to no issues.
We have been in a few relationships, though we don’t remember much of them. We are currently with our fiancé right now. He’s monogamous so we all agreed we either date within the system or him (other headmates dating other people is on the table but has never been fully talked about). So far N1, N2 and O are dating our fiancé. They either front together around him or take turns fronting around him. For lack of a better term I guess they just share him lol.
Relationship of 3 years, some parts have a full relationship, others just have friendships etc.
I am currently in a QueerPlatonic Relationship with two other people. Both are hosts themselves in each of their system, however they are system partner, while I’m not!
The other parts don’t care and doesn’t desire any kind of relationship like this, so we’re good!
Yes. He has an individual relationship with the layers of the system. Several are romantic.
I currently have a girlfriend who is a singlet but incredibly supportive. Different alters have a different type or relationship with her, eg romantic, sibling, friend, carer, but we all love her intensely.
Our partner is also a system and if someone in the system is open to being in the relationship they are, if not then they are simply friends with our partner.
I am in a relationship for 3 weeks. We did some internal communication when planning to start dating and it is me and another part wanting to date. Our boyfriend know we have d.i.d but doesn’t know when we have switched as we didn’t identify the switches with him. The young parts are safe in their internal world when we are with him.
We are currently in a relationship. Our partner is a singlet but knows we are a system and has simply plural to follow us on. He knows who is who and each persons boundaries are.
It depends on who we’re dating, when we dated someone without DID it was primarily the hosts who were dating him but that’s just because they were the ones interested in dating. When we’ve dating other people with DID we saw it as “collectively dating” aka “all of us are technically dating” with the exception of a couple alters. While everyone was generally affectionate with each other sometimes specific alters in each system would develop relationships and consider themselves boyfriend/girlfriend
My partner is also a system, we date individual alters and have a collective sense of romantic and platonic attraction. We’ve dated for years and its worked well for us. Communication is key and notes and meeting between head alters and gatekeepers is important.
We are married. I found out 12 years into our marriage we had DID. Our husband took it pretty well and tries to have a comfortable relationship with each of the parts. He had labeled them as moods previously, so he did recognize a change in our presentation. Some of us consider ourselves married to him, some see him more as a big brother, others want to stay acquaintances, and others just stay away. There’s a real mix, and he is very patient and understanding no matter what the parts want their relationship to look like.
We were in a relationship pre discovery. Now we’re dating another system. Only a few alters are dating between us, and when someone who isn’t dating is fronting we just hang out as friends.
We are in a relationship currently, we started off as thinking they were a singlet, and let them know our mental condition before we started dating; couple months later they found out they were a system! Currently 8 months dating, and amazing communication.
I have been in relationships, and was broken up with by one girlfriend after revealing some trauma and saying that I thought I could hear others in my head. I am currently in a queer platonic relationship with a long time close friend, who went through the process of finding out I was a system at a similar rate as I did. They are more than open to the system, and are a great support to us.
Currently, in two two-year relationships, communication and boundaries have been the biggest asset to navigating it.
We are married currently. We have been in relationships in the past, but other alters would break up with them. Our current husband met three alters at first, all were gatekeepers, so information about who he is was more readily available to the system from the start. Now he has met everyone at least a bit, and we navigate seeing him like coming over to the gatekeeper’s home.
We have been married for almost five years but only discovered the system eight months ago. It hasn’t been an easy experience for us personally. Communication and trust are key.
We are and have, communication is key, we leave notes and have a server
We are in a relationship with another system. We generally communicate boundaries or what we both want both in long conversations and in the moment, rather than attempting to remember every fronters boundaries.
We’ve dated a few singlets briefly prior to system discovery and then dated another highly complex system for nine months. It was navigated by both systems having awareness for each other to fill in amnesiac gaps and constant communication. We ended up breaking up due to different wants and needs in our respective lives
yes, many times. I (the host) am dating a singlet, and he gets along with my headmates very well, too. they’re very understanding of us and our system as well as our mental state, so there aren’t any problems with us being a system while I’m in a relationship with him. My headmates love to make inside jokes with him, too
We’re currently in a relationship with another system. We have multiple alters in relationships with other alters within the other system, and we support each other’s struggles.
We’ve been in multiple relationships, both as an undiscovered system and a discovered system. Most of them have been unhealthy or directly abusive. Our current relationship has gone on for almost two years and is with another system. We’ve known each other for 5 years and have worked hard to build our communication and make our relationship healthier overall.
My current relationship is the first one in which we’re open about being a system. It tends to get easier with time, as our partner increasingly recognises us and caters to our different needs. In our last relationship, we tried talking about it, but our disorder was more looked at as a novelty kind of thing, and it went downhill quite quickly. When we don’t want to out ourselves, we usually just say we’re polyamorous (we don’t all have the same interests in a partner), and start from here. Our biggest decision was to stop dating neurotypical people, as we found ND people to be more understanding of mental health and the needs it calls for.
We have had a few partner systems. We have also had just the host dating someone and then maybe a few other alters dating someone or several others. we navigate it by ensuring our partner(s) know who is fronting and stern and solid boundaries.
Yes. We are now in a polycule/polyamorous relationship When a partner or partners are front, we decide whether or not to front to be with them. However, if it’s a special event with whichever partner(s) we normally rush to the front.
We’ve only dated other systems since discovering the system. Individual alters have Individual relationships and are welcome to date within systems we’re close to. Though we also like being collectively romantic with any partner/s we may have at a time, we’re also polyam though, in a way that a fully closed relationship is a deal breaker
I’m with another complex DID system. They are far more understanding, respectful and safe than the nonplurals I’ve educated and been with.
We had a relationship that left us with severe trauma that we’re still dealing with, and the trauma is still currently going on, but at the time, all alters were respected as their own individuals
Yes, but not since we were younger. We’ve only ever been in casual, open relationships. We’ve never lived with a partner and have no desire to. Because there are so many parts at the moment, we are choosing to stick with friends-with-benefits type situations as they are easier for us to manage. Being in a relationship comes with too much expectation of needing to be there for someone all the time, emotionally and physically. Because of our own trauma and life, we simply can’t commit to that at this time.
We’re currently dating another system. We’ve been together for nearly three months, and it has its bumps. We both take the time to talk to each other when something goes wrong. Communication and honesty is the biggest thing for both of us.
I have dated other people with DID, and other alters have as well, and we usually navigated it by some alters dating other alters in the other system and some not doing so. We generally have a more polyamorous approach to dating.
We have and are currently in a relationship with our partner system. The way we manage relationships (with other systems) is each alter dates each other in both systems! but sometimes, if alters do not want to participate and be in the relationship with our partner system, they have the choice to date other alters in different system(s)!
Yes, we’ve been in 5 since system discovery, many prior to that. We navigate it similarly to a singlet navigating any relationship (open communication and boundaries)
Yes. Tend to only date other systems as they understand what it’s like. Have been in relationships with non-systems, and it just doesn’t work for us.
I was in a relationship with another system until recently. We allowed anyone over 18 from either system to be allowed to be a part of the relationship if they wanted to; it was hard work at times to keep up. We had code words for younger headmates to use if they popped out so that conversations were appropriate to their ages. It took two years of working out the best way. But it was by far the best relationship we have had.
Yes, I am. It’s very difficult, and the partner doesn’t always recognize it’s a different alter that may be more defensive. Both inside and outside, we communicate to the best of our ability. This can be through notes, agendas, or even scribbles that we find in school work to key that we need to talk in some way.
Since learning about our OSDD, we have been in three relationships. We were with another system where a large amount of alters in both systems were together, however, another alter in our system dated a singlet who was aware of the relationships between other alters and the other system. We have the firm belief that each alter should not be restricted by others when it comes to dating – if alter A is dating person 1, alter B can date person 2 without asking permission from person 1 or alter A,; we still believe that person 1 and alter A should be informed. If person 1 and alter A don’t like that person 2 and alter B are dating, that’s too bad, as it is not their decision (obviously excluding abusive relationships, etc.)
Yes, currently in one, clear communication on needs and why emotions or alters are present
Currently in a relationship, and have been in relationships in the past. As for our relationships now, we all accept our partners as our collective partners, though we don’t all have romantic feelings for them. our host is dating both of them, while only a few of our other parts date them as well.
Yes. When we self-discovered our system, we were in a relationship that ended due to trauma reoccurring and alters lying about things that had been done. Now we have a partner who actively helps with memory struggles and interacts with everyone who fronts, provided they interact with him
Yes! I am in a relationship of (currently) 2 years. We are both systems and spend a lot of time working on communication, boundaries, and navigating becoming adults while also being long-distance and mentally ill. It’s not easy by any means, but I think it’s worth it!
if the system is in a relationship with someone outside the body typically it’s up to the alter that’s with that person and the person themselves if they’re comfortable having other headmates involved in the relationship and it’s agreed on by all parties
only a handful is actually dating the partner, the rest are friends/acquaintances
Each headmate has a different kind of relationship with my partner some are just friends, some see them as a Caretaker, some see them as a roommate.

YES as a system

Yes (actually now in one), we had a really bad experience with an ex-partner who raped us so there are some alters/parts who don’t trust my current boyfriend or don’t like him.
One serious relationship; was toxic.
15-year marriage, it’s failing since system awareness, as parts are now expressing being unhappy more often.
All my parts fell in love.
I’m married to my husband (the body and I are female) and we’ve been married since 2015. It’s not always easy. Having DID explained a lot of things.
Yes, it’s been extremely hard; none really stick.
We’ve been in a few serious relationships but currently, I’m still casually seeing my ex-partner however we aren’t currently together since I’ve been diagnosed & he’s been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (that led to some mental illness and domestic violence that is no longer an issue). We’re currently rebuilding the foundations as a friendship especially as I’m learning about the DID & different parts/altars and how they fit into the relationship dynamic. As my Little part has her ‘Daddy’ non-sexually, but my baby girl part has her ‘Daddy’ sexually. We’re still slowly sorting it out.
We’ve been in many. Our ex-QPP knew us when we realized we were a system, and she just shrugged happily and went, “Okay, more husbands!”
Yes, previously, he was unwilling to accept it, unfortunately, so it ended.
Yes and currently married. One alter wants to continue a relationship they have but everyone else disagrees as we as a body are married.
One, didn’t navigate it, she wasn’t good for us so I kept trying to break it off but my headmate kept bringing it back because he was worried for her
Yes I’m (host) currently in a relationship. I had relationships when I didn’t know I was a system, and this is my first relation while knowing. It’s going well for the most part. One issue is that some of my alters don’t want to say when they’re fronting, so they pretend to be in a relationship they’re not comfortable in. Some alters love my partner like I do so they don’t have issues. Also, the most complicated thing is the s*x, as my partner isn’t aware of what I’ve been through, so we’re not really comfortable with this part of the relationship yet.
Have been constantly in relationships until about 5 years ago. Quite difficult to navigate since we didn’t know we were a system, and didn’t know we were trans, and because of subconscious trauma triggers. Currently trying to figure ourselves out before we try to enter a relationship again.
Yes, he knows about my system and met many parts. Mainly one host fronts and they have the strongest relationship. Others in the system like him. He’s a bit uncomfortable around littles but they mostly play alone when they’re out.
We have been, our partner helps us with it they’re dating a specific alter though.
I have been. My ex forced me to come to terms with my condition by pointing out its not normal to play dnd and hear the characters after the game is over. Nor is it normal to be trapped in that person’s viewpoint and not remember anything. She broke up with us with a horrible text saying we were toxic… now we have a new fiancé and a long distance partner that both know but we find it hard to switch in front of people. Some refuse to be known.
Been in a few relationships. Prior to diagnosis many ended in relationship abuse towards myself. Since diagnosis, the two relationships I have been in have ended due to s/o’s stating it was difficult and complex to date someone with DID. They would be amazing and supportive throughout the relationship and then would end due to challenges with the diagnosis.
I think we have all come out to date different people but most long term relationships have been w/all of us (whether we knew it at the time or not). My current gf knows about the system and most of us are dating her. The Littles ofc not and another alter is too stuck in trauma
I am divorced – our marriage wasn’t good for us. We are currently in a polyarmorous relationship with two different partners.
the host is currently in a queer platonic relationship with the host of another system. two alters have an internal romantic relationship
Yes we were married for 15 years but things got to complicated
One for 2 years, one for 9 years
Yes. I just got divorced from my ex wife. She manipulated and abused my system in so many ways. I now have a partner who is amazing. She sees us as individuals. I am the responsible main person. We are in a relationship. She has a different non romantic relationship with my others. We were raped and had a baby who is 5 months old now. My partner and I are her parents.
Two alters are in a relationship with each other and the host has a partner who is an alter in a different system
Past relationships have always failed. Current relationship is with a diagnosed schizophrenic. They help me a lot.
I am in a relationship, my partner is a system and so far there’s been no issues related to possible systemhood that had to be navigated. so just like a singlet I guess
Yes. He knows me well enough to know when I have no memory/have switched.
We have had system to system and it was ok. It was one alter to one alter but confusing.
Yes, we struggled with it as our partner didn’t understand DID so it ended in a breakup
Yes! Our partner system helps us out a lot.
Sort of, but it wasn’t a good one. We just treated him like any other abuser.
yes, was not handled well
I have been in many tumultuous relationships, as have my other system members and it’s been very confusing and difficult up until now. We’ve fallen into patterns of dating cruel or abusive people over and over until our last partner, who was kind but a little distant. The shortest answer I guess is to say we haven’t really ever successfully navigated relationships as a system & we’re still learning how.
We have been in past relationships with people who do not have Dissociative Identity Disorder. One pattern We have noticed is the blatant dehumanization, or the fact that they think we’re “faking to use as an excuse”. We have never navigated it well. We’ve tried to educate them, introduce them, overall just treated them like an average human being. However, no matter how much we tried, our ex partners have never really understood.
We had a great relationship in high school/early college (roughly ages 15-19) with another system. I wouldn’t say it was an example of an “adult relationship” and there were things about it (particularly sexually) that were not handled well for either of us, but we both benefited from having someone else like us and being able to have multiple relationships within the relationship. We also had a relationship after that in college (roughly ages 20-21) where we were initially open about our condition, but lack of understanding and acceptance made us go into hiding and one of our parts forced us to forget we were a system at all. That relationship was mutually toxic and we had terrible communication. Each of us came from a lot of trauma, and had no idea how to be in an adult relationship, but we moved in together anyway and basically spent a year being a big mess before having an ugly breakup. We haven’t spoken since and we now know this relationship caused many new splits in our system, as well as traumatic forced re-organization in order for us to forget we were a system.
Relationships are so difficult to navigate as a system, particularly if not all alters like the partner. If the partner doesn’t fully process or understand the system it throws everything into chaos. Our last relationship was a disaster because of this very reason.
Ahhh we have had a hard time keeping any sort of relationships as a system I tend to find the bad ones hah. Last one we had completely tore down one of our fictive for still being connected to their source when they had just formed. but aside from that friendships are ok most of my headmates keep to themselves tho some of them also consider my friends theres as well tho. When we where in a relationship when we found out we where a system. I made it clear that we would stay monogamous which did nottt go down well because a lot of them really really hated my partner at the time for good reason hes not a good person and they saw through that.
Yes, it’s very hard. I’ll let y’all know when I figure it out lol. Usually it’s just too much or too complicated for people.
Yes, our host has been dating someone since before they knew they were part of a system. So far, only they are dating him. The rest of us are just friends with him.
Used to be. First partner was really great actually dated multiple parts, second was horrific and would be annoyed if it wasn’t the host out
Yes, a few relationships. They weren’t safe relationships.
we have been (that I know of), but that was before system discovery
We have dated other systems before, but we haven’t dated any singlets after finding out about our system
No. At least none that have been healthy.
We have had partners who more took advantage of the fact we had DID but yet to have one who understands us and can cope with changes within our personality
We have been in a few prior to knowing we were a system. None of them worked out well for us.
We’ve been in multiple long-term relationships, most of which ended incredibly badly because of abuse. We have previously been engaged to another system, but again, abuse within the relationship made it impossible to stay.
Yes, it has been difficult when things for us [body] become extremely hard.
At the time, we didn’t know we were a system, and they broke up with us for being “too complicated and confusing.”
I know we have been in multiple relationships previously, but I don’t know much about them.
The host was in one relationship where they knew we had DID, but most alters masked being the host because of how the relationship was toxic, and they didn’t fully trust him.
Yes. It was a 7-year relationship with a non-system that ended in divorce because she was abusive. We did not navigate it well. We are currently semi-dating another system, and we are very cautious, but it is going very well.
We once dated a singlet, but it didn’t quite work out with our mental problems and their physical problems. But now we have a wonderful in-person partner system.
My partner dates me and is at least friendly with any other parts. They have an “I don’t know what to call it, but maybe dating” relationship with two other parts.
I’m currently in a relationship, and we navigate it as singlets would.
We are in a relationship with our amazing partner system and have been for over two years when you are in a relationship with another system, the love is deeper and different, and more understanding
We have been in relationships, and we are currently in one. Our current one is the only non-abusive relationship we have had, and it is a rollercoaster; our memory and trauma affect it a lot, but we are slowly learning how to manage it.
Yes, three, actually, after we discovered the system. First one, we dated her since before discovering, so she was discovering with us. After the discovery, she started dating some alters only, as not all alters even liked her (and we already had littles, so…). When we broke up, things seemed alright, but later, she blocked us on all social media, and when a friend in common went to ask what we had done (we didn’t even know), she told specifically what all alters that hurt her in some way had done. This got us… sad. I was fronting at the time our friend was texting her, and I didn’t remember anything the other alters had done. She could lie to, and we wouldn’t even know. This got me so hurt, the thought that some alters messed up with her and I didn’t even know it happened. I imagine how many times some alters could’ve hurt someone’s feelings, which I don’t even know about.
We, while dating her, got to know another system. We were best friends (and they were bf with her too), and an alter of our system (that she did not date) became dating with an alter of this system. We asked for her permission, and she didn’t seem to care. This relationship didn’t last long.
And the last time, we were only going out with some guy, and I remember vividly not wanting him to know we had DID. We would always tell and the person would go away from us. So we decided not to tell, only if we would start dating him. Only me (the host) and M would go on dates and chat with him. We ended up on bad terms because of our BPD; I was desperate for his attention, and he hated it, calling us attention whore and these things. He did some messed up things, too.
yes, our current one is much better and there are currently four alters who date our partner and they’re extremely accepting of all of us, even those they aren’t dating. In the past, when we knew about our did at the start, one of our protectors got into a relationship with someone who had the same name and looked exactly like an abusive ex of ours, that relationship lead to a lot of issues internally and some bonds were broken, some are mended now but not all. Before we knew about the system it was even worse in relationships, we’d go between being infatuated with the person to finding them unfamiliar or outright unpleasant and off-putting. We got into many abusive relationships and stayed in them because of the amount of conflicting feelings, emotions, perceptions, and opinions of so many alters on what we should do, we end up feeling like we’ve gone mad and just choose to stay as we’re far to confused to make a choice or even acknowledge it. Or we’d end healthy relationships due to many reasons, including self-destructing alters, alters who just didn’t know about other alters who did have feelings, so when they fronted and had none they’d just break up with them, and having extreme conflicting opinions all the way from “this person is my everything, I’d die without them” to “they’re abusive, manipulative and out to get us, they’re apart of our abusers group, they’re gonna get us hurt” and everything in between.
My last relationship was with someone who was also a system! I’m unsure of how to answer this cos I guess me or them being a sys didn’t really affect the relationship, and everything came naturally.

Not since system discovery/uninterested/NA

No x 10 (Ten)
Only had relationships prior to system discovery/diagnosis x 8
No. We have never had a partner. We have never even been asked on a date. We tend to avoid people due to trauma history. We have no experience with consensual romantic touch.
None of our relationships have gone well due to stress causing splitting, problems with intimacy, and paranoia. Choose to forgo relationships in general.
Not since diagnosis, previously parts would randomly break up with partners, but now when a relationship is considered the lengths to stop it have become more extreme (flashbacks, turning off all emotions, or not letting that part front)
I (the host, who has now realized that they’re 100% aroace) have, but it wasn’t a very serious one, was doubting it the entire time, and ended after not even three months as it was stressing us out to the point that I even split another alter off. While not everyone identifies as such, we do consider the body as a whole to be aroace and incapable of feeling romantic love and/or arousal, so we’re unlikely to enter a relationship again.
We cant get into relationships, never been in one. We try and get into situationships and then it always fizzles out somehow.
I haven’t been in a relationship since i was diagnosed, past relationships have been tumultuous.
We aren’t interested in a relationship
Not really. It was before I discovered I was part of a system, but for a few months I, as a lesbian, technically dated a gay guy. It’s a long story. It was uncomfortable for everyone involved.
We were in a relationship once, before figuring this out & we currently want to ask someone out. She’s a close friend and we hope to find a way to tell her and explain how some of the alters feel. I believe we can trust her and hopefully, it will go well.
2 of us had a girlfriend in middle school but not since. We didn’t know we were a system at the time.
Last relationship was prior to diagnosis and awareness of being a system. Have not had a relationship since becoming aware of each other and anxious about navigating such a scenario so we avoid it.
We are asexual broadly and not strictly alloromantic. We don’t seek romantic relationships so much as attachment and emotional intimacy. We have had limited success in that endeavour – mostly due to the same trauma and communication/attachment issues present in all of our relationships.
We have no (romantic/sexual) relationships outside of our system (for now).